Book, Inspirational Motivation

Chapter 3 : Men go to their caves and women talk.

How men and women handle stress:

Men become increasingly focused and withdrawn while women become increasingly overwhelmed and emotionally involved. He feels better by solving problems while she feels better by talking about problems.


When a Martian gets upset he never talks about what is bothering him. Instead he becomes very quiet and goes to his private cave to think about his problem, mulling it over to find a solution. When he has found a solution, he feels much better and comes out of his cave. If he can’t find a solution then he does something to forget his problems, like reading the news or playing a game.Women generally do not understand how Martians cope with stress and hence she feels ignorant and hurt when men goes to his cave.

To feel better Martians go to their caves to solve problems alone.When a Venusian becomes upset or is stressed by her day, to find relief, she seeks out someone she trusts and then talks in great detail about the problems of her day.To feel better Venusians get together and openly talk about their problems.And these problems continuous in various topics and tends to be logically unrelated.When women talk about problems, men usually resist and assumes she is talking to him about the problems to make him hold the responsibilities.The more problems more he feels blamed.Here the man talk about problems to someone for two reasons : they are blaming someone or they are seeking advice.Hence if a women is really upset man assumes she is blaming him.If she seems less upset,then he assumes she is asking for advice.

A Venusian feels good about herself when she has loving friends with whom to share her feelings and problems. A Martian feels good when he can solve his problems on his own in his cave.

Women are Miss Chatty (Women talk and share about their problems and do not necessarily want solutions right away)


Martians, learn to respect that Venusians need to talk to feel better. Realise that a Venusian attack is only temporary and that soon, the Venusian will suddenly feel better and be very appreciative and accepting. Listening to a Venusian talk about problems could actually help you come ot of your caves in the same way as watching the news or reading a newspaper. Learn to listen without feeling blamed or responsible.

Venusians, learn to respect that Martians need to withdraw to cope with stress. Find peace of mind and understand that a Martian going into his cave is not a sign that he does not love you as much. Learn to be more accepting. Just politely stop talking, stand there, and wait for him to notice you when he is distracted. Ask for his attention in a relaxed and accepting manner and Martians will be happy to redirect their attention. Don’t take it personally. When Martians feel loved and accepted, they will more quickly come out of their caves.

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